I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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