The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
