i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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