Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
