Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
