Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize