Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
