I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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