You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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