Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
