he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
