So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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