I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize