I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
