Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
