Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
