I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
