Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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