I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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