put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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