I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Randomize
