i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
