So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
