I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
