id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
