My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
