I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize