Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
