i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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