I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
