My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
soo... how was my night?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
