I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
