so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
