he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
