Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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