Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Screwed.edu
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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