we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
