I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
