addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
