I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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