i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize