6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
