Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
