It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
