cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
