How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
