just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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