ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
