marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
