her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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