Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
