well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize