I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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