I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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