You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
