well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
