I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Randomize
