He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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