Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
