Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
