he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sext me about skeletons
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
