I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
