Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
