i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
