you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
