I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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