Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
