so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
